When I was growing up, my number one priority was to have a family. I planned to be a teacher so I could be with my family as much as possible. That’s not exactly how things turned out. But I was more than happy to raise my son as a single mom. He was my first priority. Every decision I made, I had him in mind. It was a joy and a struggle to keep everything balanced.

Recently, I read an article by Suzy Welch, author and wife of Jack Welch. She had a decision to make about leaving work on time to spend time with her children or to stay at work to meet a deadline. As I read the article, I realized I would have made a different decision than she did. However, that doesn’t make her decision wrong. It means her values are different than mine, not wrong.

Most of us just want to make a difference in life. How can we do that? By following our hearts and sharing our unique gifts with others. The thing about a legacy is that it takes time and consistency to create. It’s important not to lose heart in the journey.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated, reach out to your support system. If you don’t have one, yet, go to a trusted pastor or lay counselor. Once you feel restored, put together a support system of trusted friends and family.

It’s important for you to know that your decisions will all add up to the legacy you leave. Please don’t think you can have everything at once. That kind of thinking brings about stress and anxiety. There will be times you will focus on your job. Other times you will focus on your family. But it will all come together in the end to leave a legacy you can be proud of.

One of my favorite quotes is “Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect. It means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.” I love that we get to decide. We don’t decide what happens, but we decide how we view what happens. Decide each day what your attitude will be.

Why? Why change your attitude? In Proverbs 23:7, we learn “As a man thinketh, so is he.” The thoughts or feelings you dwell on shape your actions. Actions repeated become character. I don’t think anyone consciously makes it a goal to have a bad attitude or poor character. But by not keeping our thoughts captive, we sometimes allow ourselves to sink deeper into self-pity or worse self-loathing.

I’m not asking you to have a Polly Anna mentality. Don’t think positively for the sake of thinking positively. Nor do I want you to fake it until you make it. Determine what you can do – not what you can’t. We are not in total control of the circumstances. But we are responsible for our actions and our attitudes.

I don’t have all of the answers as to why certain things happen. I’ve been through my own set of trials. But I found that it’s much easier to look for the silver lining than it is to dwell on the negative. Negativity zaps your energy. It can also rob you of the legacy you want to leave. Our attitude is a powerful tool. Are you using it to your advantage?

When I first started thinking about this blog post, I thought it would be easy. Tell you to be more, not do more. But then I thought of defining being and I complicated things in my own mind. I think all too often we get caught up in doing and have our checklists for the day. How on earth can we change that mentality?

I truly believe in the scripture verse Matt 6:33, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Sure, seek is a verb. But it is not doing for the sake of doing. It is to go in search of something or to try to discover. How do you discover? Ask questions, explore.

Some of the ways we can discover: a daily quiet time, prayer, worship. These are not the only ways to discover, but they are the ones I would like to address. When we set aside a time to be quiet and listen, it can bring us clarity to a situation or to who God is. It was so important to me, growing up to have time when I was quiet and listened. I could get to the roof of our house by crawling up into the attic and climbing out the window. This was a great place to get away and be quiet. I realize that some may think the best time to have a quiet time is in the morning. Not everyone is a morning person. So, I say, set the appointment and keep it and be consistent, whatever time of day. I suggest this because making an appointment helps you to be purposeful and carve out time. Otherwise, the day may get away from you before you know it.

I would like to be clear; I really prefer that you seek God more than once a day. Quiet time, for me, personally, is about greeting God through prayer and worship, reading scripture, and listening. I come with a note pad and pen in hand to take notes. The rest of the day, I pray periodically to ask for direction or give thanks when I see His work in my life. After all, this is a relationship, not a list of things to get done.

To me, this is being. Your spiritual side needs fulfillment. I call this feeding my soul. We wouldn’t go a day without a meal. I try not to go a day without seeking. This is not about perfection. This is about a relationship. I am writing this not to make you feel guilty, but to inspire you to get to know God and His grace and love for you. Please don’t read this blog as another to do list to check off.

Boundaries are necessary in keeping us not only healthy but also sane. A boundary can be defined as something that separates two objects. For instance, if you own a home, the property line between your lot and your neighbor’s lot is a boundary. There are boundaries in your personal life, as well. There are spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental boundaries.

Spiritual boundaries are evident between you and God. His will and your will differ. The boundary separates the two. Often, we are in awe of God and His all-knowing spirit. I’m sure you’ve come to realize that following His will is better than following your own.

The other boundaries: physical, emotional, and mental are evident between you and others. When these boundaries blur, it’s difficult to tell where one person ends and another begins. We are out of balance at that point. When that happens, I doubt that we are truly following our values.

Here’s an example: Sally was asked to volunteer her time for a worthy cause. Sally knew that she was already booked solid. But she felt like she couldn’t say no, after all it is for charity. So Sally said yes and immediately regretted the decision. In fact, as she was volunteering, her mind is elsewhere on the other responsibilities she was neglecting due to this decision.

What could Sally have done differently? Well, she could have looked honestly at her schedule and determined what could be delegated to someone else so that she could volunteer. She could have said no to the volunteer opportunity for now. Then she could have made a conscious effort to free up her schedule in the near future so she could volunteer at another time. She could have found a friend that had the time and desire to volunteer and offer the opportunity to them. Or Sally could have said no, due to the fact that her schedule was booked. Maybe she would have realized that although this is a good cause that she is already giving back to the community in other ways.

What boundaries can you set in your life? What are you saying yes to that you need to say no to? What are you saying no to that you need to say yes to?

When you spend time with friends, you are influenced by them. They will support you and hopefully keep you accountable. Great friends will not just agree blindly with everything you do and say. They will challenge you to grow as a person. This is where connections become very rewarding. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” I love this verse. But more importantly, I love to see this verse in action. It’s amazing to when a friend shows her love by telling me the truth. Sure, it may not be easy to receive, at first. But in the long run, it is necessary for growth as a person.

The people you spend time with contribute to your thoughts. Of course, it is your decision what you do with those thoughts. It’s been said that much of your success is attributed to your circle of influence. The opposite is also true. You contribute to your friends’ success. Let’s be encouragers and supporters of one another. When there is a criticism to share, share it in truth and love.

Sometimes friends get into the slump of trading complaints. Make a commitment to one another to stop complaining and start challenging one another to grow. You can follow your heart much easier if you have supporters. Who are you spending the most time with? Are your friends encouraging and cheering your on toward your goals? Are you doing the same for them?

Forgiveness is freeing for you and your emotional well-being. If we harbor ill feelings toward others, we could be hurting not only ourselves but our relationships. When we forgive, we are offering the offender a chance to reconcile either now, or in the future.

Some important points on forgiveness:

1. According to Merriam Webster, forgiveness is to give up resentment of.
2. Remember to forgive yourself as well as others.
3. Forgiving someone does not give them license to continue any abusive behavior toward you.
4. Forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation.

Forgiveness clears up some of the emotional distress so that you can see more clearly. When we are hurt, it is difficult to see the situation from any perspective other than our own. Once we have the ability to forgive, we can begin to somewhat understand the offender’s viewpoint. Even if the only understanding we ever come to is that they, like us, are human and in need of forgiveness.

When I was a single mom working two jobs and going to college, I chose not to do the laundry. My son was very young at the time and still slept a lot. I felt like I was missing so much time with him by working and going to college. I didn’t own a washer and dryer. So, doing the laundry meant a fairly lengthy trip to the laundromat. (Those of you with young children understand how the clothes pile up.) I chose to have the laundry washed, dried, and folded for me. This one decision reduced my stress tremendously. I have made similar decisions throughout my life.

When we tell ourselves we have to do something, I think part of us quietly rebels (or not so quietly). It’s human nature. However, I’m not saying give yourself permission to do ANYTHING. Here’s my point, if you are making decisions based on feeling obligated and not based on your values, you are going to be really stressed. There is a reason you want to say no. Either you realize that you’ve taken on too much and now is not the time to add one more thing. Or by saying yes, you will not be following your heart.

Deep down, I believe we all have great instincts. You and I know when something lines up with our passion. Sure, there will always be chores and discipline. But I have found that I even want to do those things. I realize just how grateful I am for what I have been given in life and I want to take care of it. When I can’t do a chore, I feel no guilt about getting help.

Reduce the stress in your life. Reevaluate the “have to’s” in your life. Choose to keep doing these tasks because you want to. Just by wanting to do a task, your stress level is reduced. Or choose to pay someone to do the task for you.

Another reason we may not pursue our dreams is that life gets in the way. We choose a logical, practical way to pay the bills and soon lose sight of our dreams. Well, maybe we remember and yearn for it in the far reaches of our hearts. But all of our energy and time are being given to the very logical, practical path. I understand the need to be practical. But I also know where there is a will there is a way.

Here’s a concept for you. Think of a change you made in your life, big or small. Now, try to think back to before you made the change. How difficult or impossible did it seem? Change always seems difficult because we have to think and focus and consciously do something different. We are no longer on autopilot. But now, think of how the change has become a part of your life. In fact, it may seem quite easy to do, because you’ve become acclimated to it. The same holds true for pursuing your dream.

Think of small steps you can make toward your dream. What’s one small thing you could do that would be different, but not all consuming. Do that! When you’ve done one small thing, do another. Then you’ll find momentum and you’ll get excited. Excitement will propel you forward. Then, before you know it, you will be that much closer to your dream.

I think that we sometimes don’t take the steps because we are so busy doing everything else on our plates. But, we owe it to that yearning in our hearts to take the steps…even if they are small. You can do it! What can you do this week?

Now, if you believe it, I mean truly believe it, what are you doing with your unique gifts? Are you hiding them? Are you using these gifts on a regular basis?

If you truly believed in the blessings you have been given, you would be so powerful. Maybe you do realize it, but you needed reminding. This is for you: You are unique and wonderful.

I grew up in a family that was in turmoil. It was difficult to say the least. I didn’t know what else there was out there, but I knew something wasn’t right. However, I never realized my true gifts until I was 30 yrs old. I was ecstatic. Who me? I have gifts? I took a step in the direction of my gifts, not knowing where it would lead.

That’s difficult for us women, to do something without knowing the outcome. You want to know, don’t you? I still struggle with wanting to know. But, I’m here to tell you that taking a step toward your gifts is much better than treading water where you are right now. And if you are currently pursuing your gifts…keep going!

Here’s the thing: persistence will always beat pursuing perfection. Sure, we’ll make mistakes. That’s how we learn. You have a passion for a reason. That’s your purpose. No one else is exactly like you. No one else can offer exactly what you can offer.

What are your unique gifts? How are you using those gifts? I’d love to hear from you! Send me an email via the contact page or leave me a comment.

What do you like to do? Do you have a hobby? Are you spending any time in your life doing what you are interested in? Or do you wait until vacation to pursue those interests? The importance of taking care of yourself is going to be key in achieving balance. When you take time for yourself, you are usually less stressed. It helps to refresh you so you don’t feel like you are running ragged.

I spoke to a woman today from Europe. It was amazing to me just how similar life is there. She takes time for herself. She has found a few ways to find relaxation and to gain focus, too. She knows this helps her to be more present with her family afterwords.

What are some ways you can take care of yourself?

• take a bubble bath
• take a nap
• get a massage
• find a silent place
• read a book or magazine
• have hobby and take time weekly for this hobby
• eat right
• address any medical issues you may have
• have lunch or dinner with friends

The next time you think you don’t have time for yourself, make time. It is that important.